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| i feel so cheated.
so left abandoned.
like no matter what
it's just fate.
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| my dad lost his job today.
he is sullen. sits at the table, doesnt say much, just eats without a word.
glass of whisky by his hand, numb, looking out the window
ice cubes slowly melting, slowly glazing over his eyes as they start to leak.
drip.
he lets the tear drop wihtout care. he picks up his glass and takes a sip. he looks over to my younger brother and forces a smile. my little brother's sitting there, focused squarely on his ds. my dad calls him over lovingly. he ignores him; too intent on finishing the game.
the card we wrote him lays unread. the stacks of letters and notes tower over it, bullying it into oblivion, pushing it under the heavy weight of its shadow.
for some reason, no cliche, bible verse, whisper, or hope could do today.
only thing that could talk to my father was mr. walker and his whisky.
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| christmas time sucks.
this time of loving is just ripping open healing wounds.
and what more? i have NOTHING to show for this holiday.
i look under the tree
but there's nothing to see
cuz it's a broken heart that you're giving me
new years resolution?
1) to be healed. only comes with time.
2) be more loving to my older bro. he needs it.
3) start taking care of my body
4) learn piano
5) bring roomie to church
a picture! from last christmas time...
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| i just read a yahoo! article on cheating and i saw that they had 5 tips to keep a relationship healthy and prevent cheating:
1. Be each other's number one confidant. You shouldn't be sharing private thoughts with others that you're not sharing with your mate. 2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose. 3. Don't let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair. 4. Recognize when you're temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship -- or that you have to act on it. 5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you're ever tempted and don't feel like you can tell your mate, you'll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you'll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.
the only thing me and M did was number 3. she always kept things from me because she wanted "space". she never really made time for me, but only turned to me when it was convenient. i dont know what she did about number 4, but i was never attached to any other girl and 5? people in my sphere of friends always doubted me and doubted her and it drove me insane tryin to defend her when i really couldnt.
were we a healthy relationship? i think, honeslty, looking back on it, we were until august 31 2008. since that day? no. that's a helluva long time to be unhappy in a relationship. and yet...
no one can make me smile like she can
is this why i'm holding on?
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self against city - alone on christmas
my wishes at 11:11 don't come true anymore. :(
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