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| taken from http://sleeunit.xanga.com/ i totally agree.
7 STAGES OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP ACCORDING TO SAMUEL LEE
1) Initial Interest/Light Stalking
You walk into a room. It can be an event or a class or anything at all. But she’s there. HER. You know her. The girl that immediately catches your attention. You may have never seen or even thought about her before, but for some odd reason, the minute you see her, you know she’s special in some way. She can be super cute or really pretty or dressed really well, but, whatever the reason, you want to sit somewhat closer to her, look at her for a little too long, save a witty comment for her ear, get her number. You introduce yourself - maybe introduce yourself as something you’re not just to get her intrigued because, after all, who lies to someone they just met? Someone slick, that’s who. Friend her on the book of faces. Make her laugh. So you become acquaintances, and, through some light stalking or simple conversations, you obtain a sense of the person she is. If she’s appealing/interesting enough, you’ll ask her to hang out.
2) Hanging Out
You grab that coffee. Watch that new movie. Meet up in the bookstore and stare at magazines. Play taboo with a group of strangers at the Frog Pond amidst the blooms of spring. Whatever it is you guys do, you do things together as “friends”. You make her laugh, flirt a little (or a lot, depends on how you play your game), but never let her get comfortable enough (so she won’t friend-zone you). You establish that “I’m interested in you, and I’m probably gonna tell you soon” vibe. You figure out more about her. You make sure of what kind of person she is. You also play games (meet up with other girls, visit her randomly, a couple acts of sweetness) to get her more intrigued (again, depends on how you play the game). When you decide that, hey this might work and I’m getting more and more invested in this girl, you ask her out on a date.
3) Going Out on Dates
First date. First three dates. First month. You ask her out on a date under the context of a date. It’s basically like ordering a workout machine that you see advertised on the telly. You get it with a 30-day money back guarantee. You work with it a few times. If you like it, you keep it. If you don’t, there’s some hassle in returning it, but at the end of the month, you’re where you were a few weeks ago (weight-wise too). Of course, this also means that you won’t go out and go looking for other workout machines (no other girls/dates!). Because you guys aren’t BF/GF yet, there are large limits on the exclusive-isity on the relationship (Yes, I just made up that word). You can’t tell her she can’t go out to that party or have a guy friend with whom she has a sketchy history with stay over for a week. But, you can grab her by the back of her neck and kiss her at the end of dates, call her, text her, be subtly romantic while being charming and dashing. After enough dates (so you realize what kind of girlfriend she is and whether or not it will work out), and if you guys are ready for it, you ask her to be your girlfriend (what an awkward conversation that will be!)
4) BF/GF
Hey, let’s go shopping together! I’ll hold all your bags, maybe put an arm around you with a smile, hold your hand while we navigate crowds of people when it would be much easier to do so if we weren’t linked in any sort or way. Maybe I’ll even buy you something that you really wanted but wouldn’t pay the money for (after all, is that scarf really worth twenty bucks when you already have five that you wear sparsely?)! I’ll take you out on dates, bring you chocolate randomly, send you “i miss you texts” as often as I’ll send you texts that mean “i’m thinking of you” (for it’s rather awkward and a tad off-putting to simply send the words “hey im thinking of u”). We’ll establish a level of comfort, you’ll come to the realization that I find you equally, if not more, attractive in sweats as I do when you doll up for occasions, develop camaraderie, find out every interesting tidbits about our current lives, and maybe even work through an issue or two that have to deal with repressed emotions from your childhood or middle-school years. We’ll make humorous inside jokes and laugh amongst ourselves as we whisper to each other when we attend random parties and dinner arrangements. I’ll do something grand for your birthday and expect nothing close to what I do for you on Valentine’s Day. I’ll put “in a relationship” as my relationship status on the book of faces and expect you to do the same. I’ll miss you when I don’t see you, want to talk to you more than I actually do, and listen to sappy pop songs that make me think of you when I would usually listen to good underground hiphop. (A lot of this is just me – people are different! Each person behaves uniquely in relationships, and every relationship itself is rather unique.) Maybe, just maybe, we’ll develop a true, loving companionship in which we share, support, and sort out each other. Enough of this companionship might lead us to a conversation in which we…
5) Agree in Principle to Marry
This is self-explanatory, but is very different from…
6) Being Engaged
Stage 5 is saying “Hey, I really want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, BUT…” This could mean the timings not right, I just got laid off, I’m still in debt, I’m not really ready for whatever XYZ reasons, but I really do want to be there for you through any and everything that may come across our paths. I literally cannot picture a good life without you. I love you.
Stage 6 is: here’s a ring and let’s start planning this. Don’t worry, the three conversations we’ll have about how stressful it is to pick bestmen/bridesmaids won’t be too stressful, and yes I do want to have steak, not fish, at my wedding – oh, what about the Nagarajs? They don’t eat read meat? Crap. Okay we can have steak and fish. No, I don’t know what I would want to give people in their goodie bags. Do we even need goodie bags? No, I cannot believe in seven months, we’ll hold hands in a church surrounded by white drapes and floral arrangements and say the words “I do” to the smiles and excitement of everyone we know and can afford to put into a room. Yes, I know I’m lucky. (Yeah, in my version there is no “popping of the question” unexpectedly. The girl will have some premonition that it will be coming because of conversations she and the boy will have. Sorry, as romantic a sudden engagement is, I don’t want to run the risk of being rejected. A few critics will point out that many times there aren’t the ideal conditions to get engaged, but this is how things would go ideally. Stop raining on my parade. Go away. You merge five and six together - I don’t care.)
7) Marriage.
I do. Kissed the bride. Honeymoon in someplace tropical. Move in together. Passionate sex. Jewelry. A dog. Promotions. Kids. New living spaces. Minivan. Life. Death of pet. Acknowledging that the start of the family was with the pet. Yes, this is Marley and Me.
NOTE:
These stages are fluid – just because you reached one point doesn’t mean you can’t regress. In fact, I believe a lot of problems arise in relationships because one partner either regress or moves forward without the other knowing or agreeing. Good communication could mean couples move together up and down to establish harmony: e.g. a couple decides to “Take a break” and moves from 4 to 3 for a time being. Also, one can agree to move forward from 2 to 3 but never really do so in his or her mind, breaking harmony. Dissonance between mental schemas of what is expected and desired is never a good thing in life, much less relationships.
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| my dad lost his job today.
he is sullen. sits at the table, doesnt say much, just eats without a word.
glass of whisky by his hand, numb, looking out the window
ice cubes slowly melting, slowly glazing over his eyes as they start to leak.
drip.
he lets the tear drop wihtout care. he picks up his glass and takes a sip. he looks over to my younger brother and forces a smile. my little brother's sitting there, focused squarely on his ds. my dad calls him over lovingly. he ignores him; too intent on finishing the game.
the card we wrote him lays unread. the stacks of letters and notes tower over it, bullying it into oblivion, pushing it under the heavy weight of its shadow.
for some reason, no cliche, bible verse, whisper, or hope could do today.
only thing that could talk to my father was mr. walker and his whisky.
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| christmas time sucks.
this time of loving is just ripping open healing wounds.
and what more? i have NOTHING to show for this holiday.
i look under the tree
but there's nothing to see
cuz it's a broken heart that you're giving me
new years resolution?
1) to be healed. only comes with time.
2) be more loving to my older bro. he needs it.
3) start taking care of my body
4) learn piano
5) bring roomie to church
a picture! from last christmas time...
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| i just read a yahoo! article on cheating and i saw that they had 5 tips to keep a relationship healthy and prevent cheating:
1. Be each other's number one confidant. You shouldn't be sharing private thoughts with others that you're not sharing with your mate. 2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose. 3. Don't let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair. 4. Recognize when you're temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship -- or that you have to act on it. 5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you're ever tempted and don't feel like you can tell your mate, you'll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you'll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.
the only thing me and M did was number 3. she always kept things from me because she wanted "space". she never really made time for me, but only turned to me when it was convenient. i dont know what she did about number 4, but i was never attached to any other girl and 5? people in my sphere of friends always doubted me and doubted her and it drove me insane tryin to defend her when i really couldnt.
were we a healthy relationship? i think, honeslty, looking back on it, we were until august 31 2008. since that day? no. that's a helluva long time to be unhappy in a relationship. and yet...
no one can make me smile like she can
is this why i'm holding on?
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self against city - alone on christmas
my wishes at 11:11 don't come true anymore. :(
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